Something Disney this way Comes

By Merkin Muffley–HorrorHomework Instructor

There is something more terrifying than Leatherface, a malevolent force that spares none with its unmatched accessibility. Something dreadful and abominable in the movie industry.

It’s Mickey Mouse.

As we all know, the Dark Lord himself recently bought out one of the most time-honored and renowned film studios of our time. A studio that brought us that blasted Star Wars shit I keep hearing about, which has apparently entertained generations of people in the western world, creating one big, fat bandwagon for everybody to jump on.

Look at him. That fat fuck just got fatter. Beware the staggering buying power of Disney. They’ll sell your souls to those who have none.

That bandwagon just got fucking bigger now.

On October 30 of 2012, it was official. Disney bought Lucasfilm for $4.05 billion in both stock and cash. The sixty-eight-year-old Lucas, who announced late last year that he would step down from Lucasfilm, is just the latest in a line of blood-thirsty acquisitions by Disney.

In 2009, Disney purchased Marvel Entertainment for $4 billion as well, and in 2006 they bought Pixar Animation Studios for $7.4 billion. Such acquisitions in recent years have rendered that Soprano-voiced rat a formidable beast in the fantasy-cinema game.

But what does this mean for Star Wars? Well, if the upcoming release of their highly-anticipated game, Star Wars 1313, is any indication, then Lucas may have one final battle cry before its coup de gras.

On May 31, well before Lucas’ ‘big deal’, it was announced that LucasArts would release a new internally developed videogame franchise, Star Wars 1313.

As players take control of a lethal bounty hunter in a never-before-seen dark and mature world, Star Wars 1313 introduces an integrated development approach by bringing together great artists across the Lucasfilm organization, including LucasArts, Industrial Light & Magic, Lucasfilm Animation Ltd. and Skywalker Sound.

A third person cinematic action adventure game, Star Wars 1313 will bring to life the Coruscant underworld, the most dangerous place in the Star Wars galaxy. The new game seems a darker, nitty-gritty project geared toward mature players. There are rumors that ABC (also owned by Disney) will be airing a television series based on the game already.

Named for Level 1313, a ruthless criminal underground deep below the surface of the planet of Coruscant, the game puts players in control of a deadly bounty hunter as he uses an arsenal of exotic weaponry to hunt down his marks and uncover the truth surrounding a criminal conspiracy. Star Wars 1313 emphasizes epic set pieces and fast-paced combat with a hero who uses human skills and gadgets, rather than supernatural Force powers, to make his way through this dangerous world.

Lucas seems to have set an example of its depth, one which will surely give Disney an earmark on a market they can’t afford to ignore–the adult Star Wars market. With a final breath, Lucas descends down a new path, bringing everything it’s got. 1313 seems a befitting and ominous name.

“We’re excited to share one of the projects LucasArts has been hard at work developing,” said Paul Meegan, LucasArts president last year. “Star Wars 1313 dives into a part of the Star Wars mythos that we’ve always known existed, but never had a chance to visit. We are committed to bringing the best gameplay experience and visual fidelity to life and I truly believe the work we are showcasing at E3 will speak for itself.”

But what about Marvel? Hasn’t Disney watered it down already?

Well, as a lifelong comic fan, I can say that much of the top works by Marvel have more or less stayed intact. I understand that even more Star Wars episodes are actually in the making now that Disney has taken over, but aside from that, there won’t be too much perversion of the Star Wars line.

The fact that Disney is moving toward the teenage boy demographic with such acquisitions should suggest to fans that Disney won’t want to ruin something they themselves had bought for a pretty penny.

It’s not so much the watering-down, or perverting of studio titles then that we at HorrorHomework laud as horrific. It’s the sheer level of corporatism at which Disney operates—All Heil that infernal Mouse. All of your favorite fictional characters may be intact, but they will know bondage in the form of new projects and films.

Maybe their acquisitions will help safeguard our favorite titles from the failing economies of our time.

But if we find Wolverine or Anakin on Nick Jr., we’ll know whose office to sobbingly threaten to firebomb in the name of nostalgia and artistic integrity. #Fanboyssuck

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