By Merkin Muffley– HorrorHomework Instructor and zombie extraordinaire
The American masses have recently found the grossly eaten face of a homeless Miami man leering into their collective conscious this week. The moment of madness has not only been widely reported, scoffed about and tweeted, but was also caught on camera for all to see.
I am referring of course to the May 26 incident involving a homeless drifter having most of his face eaten off by a fellow Floridian—for an approximate eighteen minutes.
Many speculate that the real-life Hannibal Lecter was high to the point of psychosis on legal synthetic drugs. Asked to stop by a Miami policeman, the nude attacker, thirty-one-year-old Rudy Eugene, simply growled back at the officer and continued his mid-day snack. The officer promptly let loose several rounds until Eugene died.
As their bodies lay naked upon the sidewalk of the MacArthur Causeway, something happened. True horror returned to the lives of the American public—evident to the responding officers and the world audience. Such horrid things can indeed happen in this world, and we’d be damned if they didn’t excite.
The victim, sixty-five-year-old Ronald Poppo, was rushed to the hospital in critical condition, with eighty percent of his face missing, including his left eye, nose, mouth and cheeks. He still lays in intensive care, according to reports.
“He was actually swallowing pieces of the man’s face,” said Armando Aguilar, president of Miami’s Fraternal Order of Police, to scores of reporters the day following the incident.
Many now jokingly heil the incident as the start of the zombie apocalypse, as they buy survival kits and make snide remarks of it with glee. Memes of the incident will also inevitably arise to the delight of many social networkers, generated by the faceless and ravenous public. Licking their lips, they dine on a new chapter of the new American gospel—a truly grisly and neon-lit thing to behold, especially in 1080p.
But how off-the -mark is this newfound sentiment? This cult of the zombie?
The face-mauling has somehow impassioned much of the on looking public, many of whom have never experienced the frenzy of spectacular violence and murder. Forever the cultural lexicon may be affected by this event, as Eugene has now been called the “Causeway Cannibal”.
This fascination with zombies, particularly prevalent among Americans, suggests to some a fascination with not only death, but a wont for violence. Conditioned by our love for guns, there is indeed an exemplary readiness within the country to bear arms—hell it’s our god-given right.
Let’s consider the point of origin for this ‘zombification’, shall we?
The synthetic drugs that cooked Eugene’s brain to an al dente level of murder can arguably be the strain that kicks off the epidemic. Here’s the real eye opener, Eugene’s drug-borne zombification was even within his rights. It caused him to lose his humanity, and take from Poppo what identity he had remaining in the name of substance escapism. Unregulated strains of the substances are abundant alternatives to outlawed conventional drugs, and ultimately, Eugene may have got them from your friendly neighborhood bodegas.
All heil the lavish sea of blood that will wash ashore the coast of American drug policy!
How far would you have gone, Eugene? What amount of flesh would have satiated your need to reclaim your humanity?
Alas, Poppo, reportedly once a man with considerable faculty and even prominent roots in Upstate New York during his youth, fell to the streets of Miami; laden in addiction, pharmakeia, jail time, homelessness and sandy beaches. There’s probably some cocaine in there somewhere as well. What was left of him went with Eugene.
Poppo you are a new man, and though the original zombie partook of you, the infection went airborne.
And the infection spreads, as the prodding American public runs this event through its cultural gambit.
I pray Poppo that you no longer keep your eye on this bloodthirsty world, and that you forgive it of its lidless eye. For in the interest of our own self-preservation, we must feed.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to look for updates to your story. Yum.