I’ve heard people say The Walking Dead is arguably the best show on TV right now; but I have to ask, what the fuck is there to argue about?? The competition isn’t exactly “stiff”; I’d say the flesh-eating cadavers bumble away with the title easily. I understand those that are committed to the comics are split on their opinions of the show, but having never opened a comic book in my life I salute AMC for producing the only show I’ll admit to watching in real time… commercial hell and all. (Speaking of which: Hey Kevin Smith—STOP IT.)
This season grew tiresome in a few spots. The hunt for Sophia, the ordeal with the prisoner—but both plotlines still managed to turn around and slap me in the snatch with their solutions. Oh, Sophia… the first time I ever cried during a show about zombies. Why couldn’t it have been Carl?!? That little turd needs a good zombie-chompin’, as do his parents. “I know we’re in the midst of the god damn apocalypse, but I think we should give our prepubescent son a loaded gun and then never account for his whereabouts. That’s a GREAT idea!” And that little shithead is the reason Dale died—which ALMOST made me cry for a second time this season. I’ve found that people who liked Dale didn’t like Shane and vice versa, but it’s all a moot point now since both became the proud recipients of mercy bullets through their brains.
That being said, I hesitate to express my “issues” with the finale. Every time this show has made me roll my eyes in the past, it’s fully redeemed itself and more—usually in the same episode. I’m sure they’ll address the concerns left behind by the Season 2 finale and blow my mind again in the fall. But until then, these things are flooding my RV’s engine:
Rick—a dick?? While he gained a tiny bit of respect from me this season by finally taking off that god awful cop uniform, he remained an annoying twatwaffle with a stupid wife and a dumb kid. However, from the beginning his character has been about doing the “right thing” and looking out for others, as well as Shatner-esque dramatic stares into nowhere until the camera finally pans away (without the Shatner sex appeal, unfortunately.) So why did he go all Kim Jong Il with his “This is NOT a democracy” crap when he could’ve just told the TRUTH– that Shane lured him out into the wilderness (which was a few hours walk but within sight of the farmhouse, another dar moment) to murder him, so he had to turn and kill his so-called best friend in self-defense? Hell of a time to pick to lie, dipshit. Now everyone hates you just as much as the viewers do. Good job, fuckface.
The zombie whisperer. I’m of course talking about the hooded figure with the armless pet zombies that came to Andrea’s rescue. Whaaaat? Those uppity comic book fans probably already know all about this guy/girl, but us lowly television viewers are wondering what the shit is this?!? Whoever the dickhead is, their introduction was… well, stupid. I didn’t see if the figure had two hands, but I’ve heard a couple different fans theorize that this could be Daryl’s brother, Merle, that was abandoned on a rooftop in Atlanta in the first season. If this turns out to be the case I will pitch poop at my TV. If you can leave a moronic redneck handcuffed to a zombie-infested rooftop in an inner city overrun by monsters, and he not only lives but manages to make those zombies his bitches AND shows up in the very place where his brother has become incredibly awesome without him… well, then how did every other idiot on Earth get pulled apart by these boorish beasts? If saving civilization was that fucking easy someone should’ve just called Dog the Bounty Hunter. Not to mention, if it is Merle, he appears to have grown a nice set of tits.
Your move, AMC…. and I can’t wait to see what you do.
Note: After writing this I checked into the new character (Yes I research AFTER I write, shut up) and the reason those who theorized Merle as the keeper of the undead are still alive is they have no brains to be eaten. But I kind of wish it was him now. Damn it.