The Suburbs

by Arcade Fire (2011)

Vaguely apocalyptic stuff happening in this awesome video directed by Spike Jonez.

 


Living Movie Stills

Fight Club (1999)

Children Of Men (2006)

American Psycho  (2000)

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

2001 : A Space Odyssey (1968)

Psycho (1960)

The Shining (1980)

The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967)

A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Alien (1979)


BANNED from Facebook

Yes it is.

Suicide Girls in the future.

Isn’t that what you said?

Amazing.

Fuck you, and fuck Facebook too.

This was the first one I ever got reported on.

Got in trouble for this one too.

I don’t see what the big deal is.

I never even tried to post this one.

Yes.

Yeah, I said it.

Please.

I don’t get it.

Ya heard?


Blame It On George Lucas

Blame It On George Lucas

I was a product of the 70s, raised up in the 80s.

We didn’t have anything, then.  I grew up in a tiny po-dunk town in upstate New York.  In the hills ; the country.  Our school had everyone from four surrounding counties attending.  Kindergarten through 12th grade in one small schoolhouse.

In 1982, we got a VCR.  One of the first ones around.

And a copy of Star Wars.

My new babysitter.

I watched that fucker over and over.

When my mom and step-dad were upstairs arguing, us kids just huddled around the TV, pushing play and rewind, play and rewind.

It was no mere movie.

It is many things, to many people, and it is much more than seems possible for some movie to ever be.

It is a comfortable blanket.

It is a soft woman.

It is a chilled shot of bourbon.

It is whatever you want it to be.

It is a legend ; an amazing story of easy connection and undying love ; a great tale that we are all chasing.

Millions of young men born between 1970 and 1980 grew up the same as me, with the original films ingrained in their minds, adopted as their own secret histories.

There is an army of us.

Disillusioned and tricked.

But, somehow, still hopeful.

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We are all searching for our own Princess Leia.

It is a sad truth, and a fool’s errand.

We all wanted to be Han Solo.
He was cool under pressure.
He was a poor slob who thought there was nothing wrong with hitting unmercifully on a high-maintenance Princess.
He was a man who went with the flow.
A guy who could sit back comfortably in a freak bar crowded with deformed, multi-racial weirdo’s.  He could take a guy out if he was being fucked with.
He was too cool to be real, but we all grew up wanting to be him.
Not to be like him.
To be him.

Too bad no one told us that it is simply not possible.

Ask any dude who is now serving 20-to-life for shooting some asshole in a strange bar for talking shit.

Ask the high school loser who relentlessly hit on the head cheerleader how he likes his restraining order.

Ask any guy in his thirties how it feels to be slapped across his mouth when he responds to his girlfriends heartfelt confession “I love you,” with Han’s classic bad-ass line, “I know.”
He will remember that slap.

All of the children of that strange decade grew up with the rising popularity of the new Home Video Cassette Recorder, a huge, gray top-loading machine precariously balanced on top of an old wood-paneled bulging TV set.  And, inevitably, on top of that, next to the rabbit-ear antenna, a new best friend in the form of three well-worn videotapes.

vcr1

Princess Leia gave all of us our first taste of lust.

The heavenly sight of her, all gold plates and skin (so much glorious pale skin), chained to the giant, evil slug.

The memory was burned into fragile, over-stimulated young brains all over America.

You know who you are.

Even if they don’t remember it, or admit it, a whole generation was conditioned and, effectively damaged by these movies.

Every one of us is now wandering around, lost, looking for our very own Princess Leia.

Deny it all you want.

Just ask any 30-year-old guy you know with a real live girlfriend if he has ever had her dress up as Leia for Halloween.  If he has, he will try and give you a clumsy high-five.
If he hasn’t yet, watch his eyes glaze over with the thought of it, and the smile crawl onto his face.  Watch him tell you what a great idea that is.

Don’t believe me?  Try it.

We are all searching for that easy love.

I am still looking for my own Princess.

And I will never find her, because she doesn’t exist.

Ever since my very first girlfriend I have been on this quest, I didn’t even know it.

No one is ever good enough.

For whatever reasons, as soon as I’ve ever got what I thought I wanted, I didn’t want it anymore.

I always wanted more.

I wanted to kiss a different pair of lips.

I wanted to touch another cheek with the back of my hand.

Feel the heat of a blush swell up from every girl.

See every pair of downcast eyes look up at me.

Even from the very first one, I wanted them all.

Always more.

I wanted to make every girl look at me that way, kiss me hard and wide-mouthed.

Even if the one I was with wasn’t her, I was never unconvinced that she was still out there somewhere in a gold bikini tied to some monster, waiting for me to come and rescue her.

My very own Princess Leia.

Everybody wants one.

I wonder if Carrie Fisher knows.

If she knows that she was (and still is to a whole new generation) the biggest turn-on for a whole crop of lost, confused man-children.  A whole generation of disillusioned dudes who still actually think it is possible to find a fantasy life like the movie relationship that still floats around in their heads.

If I ever had the chance, I would give Carrie Fisher an eight-ball, then ask her to strap on that rusty old gold bikini, bend her old ass over the nearest reasonable surface, and fuck her like it was my first and last piece of ass all at once.

And, I would probably still be disappointed.

Yes.

Yes, there is something wrong with me.

And every other guy who grew up in the 80’s.

But it is not our fault.

Blame it on George Lucas.

The End.

Faithfully submitted by Darth Biscuits.


Black Swan


Black Swan 2010

I have always wanted to see Darren Aronofsky make a horror film, and Black Swan is as close as it gets, not counting Requiem For A Dream. What a shame we won’t get to see his Wolverine film, but I am sure he will keep us interested in the future.

I didn’t like this movie at all at first. It starts off at an excruciatingly slow pace, as we watch Natalie Portman’s uptight ballerina Nina doing boring shit like vomiting in toilets, sobbing, standing on her tippy-toes, pouting, and letting her mother trim her fingernails.

Nina is a terribly uninteresting character, showing no emotions, frigid and unlikable.Christ, even the scene where she masturbates in her bed is practically passionless. But it turns out that this is the point. In order for the movie to work at all, we have to see Nina’s horizons expand. We have to believe she has transformed from boring Nina into the Black Swan, and this is how they succeed in the films hypnotic finale.

For example, at one point the ballet’s director asks one of the male dancers, “Would you fuck that girl?”

He just shrugs, like, “Of course not, I’m a ballet dancer. I’m gay.”

The correct answer for any straight man, of course is, “Right now? That’s Natalie fucking Portman, dude. I would absolutely fuck her.”

The point is supposed to be that her character lacks passion. And they get the point across well.

Mila Kunis shows up looking hot as always, and starts making Nina’s life a little more interesting. She always has that mischevious look about her, and you can tell she enjoys stirring shit up. The controversial scene where she makes a Meal of Natalie Portman’s Kunis instantly ranks pretty high on the boner scale.

SPOILER!

The whole “twist” where a main character is actually the same person as the other main

character is getting old, Hollywood. It works here, just because it is left so ambiguous,

but please can we find another trick? This was done much better in Fight Club, and much

worse in High Tension.

END SPOILER!

All in all, this is a solid work of art, with a great performance by Natalie Portman. By the

end, she will have your jaw on the floor. Plenty of creepy stuff going on in hallucinations,

and barely glimpsed scary images. And who hasn’t always wanted to see Wynona Ryder

repeatedly stab herself in the face with a nail file?

Watch this one, class.

HorrorHomework.com grade : A

Faithfully submitted by Darth Biscuits


We Have Arrived

MC Lars, YTCracker, K-Flay, & The Former Fat Boys!
Bad ass!!!


The Descent (Blu-Ray)

Santa was very kind to the Headmistress and I this year. For one thing, he brought a 47″ HD TV which apparently didn’t fit in the sleigh last year. And he topped it off with a sweet Blu-ray player with streaming capabilities. What a guy!

So, we searched for the perfect disc for our first high-def experience. We considered all of our options, before settling on the 2005 classic, The Descent, which my lady had unbelievably never seen.

The Descent is the incredibly well-told story of a group of female friends who decide to go exploring a cave in the wilderness called Boreham Caverns. All the characters are well-developed and interesting, especially Sarah, who lost her husband and child in the jarringly violent opening scene. The claustrophobia and paranoia developed throughout the course of the movie is incredible, even literally breath-taking in parts. It is a genuinely tense, scary film, even before the albino cave-monsters show up and kill every one.

The film looks amazing on Blu-Ray! So much detail in the opening scenes in the forest and cabin, you can almost smell how green the landscape is. The cavern scenes are equally impressive, so cinematically tense and beautifully detailed, you feel like you are right there, fighting for your life alongside these desperate, horrified women.

This is definitely recommended for purchase, especially if you are lucky enough to have quality gadgets to view this masterpiece on. Even the standard def edition is still a great experience. In my opinion, The Descent is one of the best scary movies of the last ten years.

Also, this is the excellent unrated edition, with the vastly superior original ending released in British theaters. If you have only seen the Americanized version, do yourself a favor and check out this uncut edition for a much more satisfying conclusion.

(Not to mention, the REAL ending completely negates the entire concept of a sequel, which was surprisingly not horrible…)

If you haven’t seen it, do your homework!

Grade : A

Faithfully submitted by Darth Biscuits.

 

 


K Flay

K Flay is a bad bitch.

In case you didn’t know…

K. Flay is the face of the future of hip-hop. A smart, funny white girl from the suburbs. Who could have guessed?

Move over, gangsters and thugs. Get ready for the next evolution of hip-hop music. Just like in everything, bored overprivileged white people have hijacked another art form and transformed it into something new. I am talking about Nerdcore rap, the recent generation of nerdy white kids making beats on their lap-tops and rapping about video games and comics. Leading the way here are MC Chris, MC Lars, YT Cracker, Schaffer The Darklord (STD), MC Frontalot, and, of course, K.Flay.

K. Flay is the real motherfucking deal.

Her name Kristine Flaherty, and she started making music a few years back while getting degrees in psychology and sociology at Stanford University. She has opened for Ludacris and Snoop Dog, and toured with Passion Pit. She hasn’t even released a full album yet, but you can download some insane mixtapes and her amazing EP at her website, http://www.kflay.com/site/. She is an incredibly talented remix artist as well, recently killing it with her official remix of a tune off the new Beastie Boys album, “Don’t Play No Game That I Can’t Win.”

The song that follows, “Doctor Don’t Know” is a great example of K.Flay’s distinct, original sound. Her genre-bending beats and rhymes made me an instant fan.

Not convinced?

Check out her awesome collaboration with the great MC Lars for further evidence.

Single & Famous.

Want to know what it is like to be young, hot, and talented?

Watch this clip.

In an interview on http://www.thebaybridged.com, she says of her influences :

“I’ve always been drawn to confessional lyrics. Regardless of the genre, that’s what really captivates me as a listener. Once I figured out that I liked making music and was semi-competent at doing so, it allowed me to open up and dig into my own head. Right now, my motivation for writing songs and composing music is discovery through self-expression. Which might sound a little art-school pretentious, but I mean it in a totally middle-school-girl-writing-in-a-diary way.”

In the same interview, when asked about her shows being categorized into a certain genre, she responds, “From my perspective, it’s okay for shows to be a little like mini festivals, in that you’ve got artists on stage who represent different genres but appeal to a similar crowd or a similar aesthetic or all just tell weird jokes. As an audience member, I like to be introduced to something new at shows, something unexpected. So it’s been cool for me to be that unexpected element at a lot of gigs. Plus, I haven’t really figured out my own genre yet . . .”


Her live shows seem to vary depending on her mood, switching from longing acoustic jams to frenetic hip-hop flows. Check out the video below, as she speeds it up, and out-raps all of those “fastest rapper alive” geeks on YouTube.

 

K.Flay Live from K.Flay on Vimeo.

When asked what is on the horizon for her :

“Smog! Mass illiteracy! No, but really, I’m splitting my time between recording new material, playing live shows, and working on a fresh performance setup. It’s a cool cycle. The studio stuff gets me hungry to go out and play; the live show gets me excited to create new stuff.”

 

Enjoy your new favorite rapper, kiddies.

Thank me later.

Faithfully submitted by Darth Biscuits.

 

 

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